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Our close companions for more than 20 years, who has overcome many challenges, her resilience is commendable. However, she's constantly blindsided by people. Her spouse walked away, which came as a huge shock. Several of her social circle drifted away at that point, because they seemed focused solely on her husband. It shocked her deeply. She put in greater energy to be my friend, probably understood more acutely the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

In the time since, quite a few of her friends vanished and she isn't sure why. Her last employer turned on her, although she was very skilled at her work, she departed unaware of what had changed.

Present Situation

Lately, we've both left the workforce so we're spending time together, however, I feel my role between us is to listen. I introduce discussion points and she changes them to what interests her. In terms of politics, she has firm beliefs. My effort is to propose verifying facts and different perspectives.

She is planning a trip to a country I have traveled to on several occasions and lived in for a while. I attempted to offer personal experiences, however, my input not welcomed. She purely solely sought validation of her plans. I've just ended four weeks in that country she is eager to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to be a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, but I don't think she'll truly understand the consequences of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. At this point, my state is pulling back. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

You could cut and run, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome we hope for. Yet having a direct talk aiming for a solution demands strength and openness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates applying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one is to state the usual pattern when you talk. This needs to be based on facts and basically an unbiased account. The second is to tell the way it leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no dispute about this. What you feel are valid, after all. The third step is to ask ways you together going to change the dynamics of your friendship."

Keep in mind she too holds perspectives, thus requiring you to remain ready to listen to her. One effective method is to say to the other person:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to remain silent for half an hour."

It's remarkably successful for promoting mutual respect.

Closing Considerations

This person might reject all you say, since certain individuals cling to a deep-seated story: they have a version of their life they cannot abandon since their identity depends upon it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult because there's no clear path here, mere obstacles. Yet she could initially present defensively and then think your perspective. And even if you never reach a resolution, you'll have closure that you've been open and direct.